Mommy belly

I love being a mom. It feels more "right" than anything I've ever done in my life. It also feels exhausting, never-ending, frustrating and challenging at times. But it always feels right. Despite all that koom-bah-ya-ness, I would like to lodge a complaint about the whole mom thing.

Last night my pregnant ass was lounged out on the couch watching TV, wishing I had some ice cream to eat from the carton, when I made the mistake of looking down at my belly..... which was exposed because my tank top had managed to ooch up and over the belly shelf like a roller shade. Attractive, right? I saw stretch marks ABOVE my already-an-outtie belly button. I'm effin' 18 weeks pregnant. Normal people aren't even showing yet, and I look like the turkey is already done.

I had the realization that TRULY.... my body will never be the same.

I'm amazed and appreciative of what my body has been able to create, but does it really have to look like shit in the end? Don't I suffer enough with diapers and throw up and sleep deprivation and the life long sentence of having to feed these people every damn day?

I've never had some killer body or anything. Like most women, I've always looked in a mirror and started detailing my list of what needed improvement. But I look back on bikini-clad pictures of the past and see now what I didn't see then.... I looked good.... really good. And sadly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back there. Even with a tummy tuck, these high centered stretch marks will still be there and I'll likely be in a tankini for the rest of my life. I feel flabby and gross and unattractive and I cringe at the thought of being naked for anyone to see. I know, whoa is me, right? But I really had a vision of myself as the super hot mom with her adorable, well-behaved children romping at the beach with an umbrella drink in hand. That's not quite how it's playing out.

I wouldn't trade my children or my healthy pregnancies for the world, but if you offered me a flat belly and tight ass for 'em, I might consider the deal.